Right, so I thought's I'd write up again because I have some frustrating subjects to get off my chest.

Mothers. Why the hell do they feel the need to choose a week to constantly pick fights with you and mess with your head? I mean, it's fricking unbelievable the crap my own moms put me through this week.

Let me take whoever's reading this back to Wednesday, where it all began...

Mum and I are sitting in the car, just as I take my earphones from my school bag and am about to plug them into my ears to drown out my little sisters complaints in the backseat, suddenly I remember the surprise Geography exam I had today and decided to tell my mom. Once I had finished giving out about my pocket sized Geography teacher, I decided to plug my earphones into my ears to stew in my own anger, suddenly my mom spoke up, a split second before the music began to blast through my mind,
"You know, I was talking to Norma (my aunt) this morning and she was saying how crazy you are for not going to Coachford (a school that is about....half an hour closer to where I live) Apparently the leaving and Junior Cert exam results from there are absolutely fantastic! When Eolan (my extremely clever cousin) received an award for one of the highest Leaving Cert results, she said she'd seen a lot of people from Coachford winning them too. In fact, Coachford had the highest number of A students." Raising a brow, I attempted to see what my mother was getting at, surely she wouldn't ask for me to move again? Not after the last fiasco? (Another day, another blog.) Giving a small, supposedly sweet shrugs, she spoke in a higher pitch,
"Just think about it, it would be so much easier for you and healthier to have friends that live closer..." Now it was my turn to talk, pushing my zune back into my bag I frowned, staring out the window as I spoke,
"I thought about that during the summer, I even asked dad about it but he said I'm not allowed go..."
"Why not?"
"He said that I won't know any of the teachers, I don't like the people there, and if I don't like it I won't be allowed to go back to back to my old school. Just like in Primary School."
"Thats ridiculous!" My mom exclaimed while heading onto the Ballincollig bypass, "why would knowing your teachers matter? You've always been good with making friends! You'll fit right in. Like I said, just think about it. I won't force you into it...but remember, it would be easier and cheaper for all of us. (In our school you have to pay a bomb just to get into the freakin' thing, then they ask for more almost every second week -.-) So my mother left me in silence, allowing me to stress over more things than just my homewwork.

Right, so that was number one.

Now, for the ringer.

It's seven o clock that same night, my mother comes in to ask me what plans I have for my birthday the following weekend (6th of december, remember the date,) After a big long discussion, she informs me that everyone in te house will be working from 1pm- 9/10pm and that myself and my little sister will be spending the day alone at home. The thought of going nowhere and doing basically nothing stirs me to ask if I could take my little sister to the cinema to see 'Fantastic Mr Fox', nodding, she allows me to bring some friends and my boyfriend. She then disappeared for a few seconds to inform my dad that we'd be spending from 6-9 at the back of his shop on saturday, luckily, my dad agreed to let us stay for a little while and it seemed like we were definitely going.
The next day I invited some of my friends from my class to go, only two can make it but I'm content, at least they're people I like. sadly my boyfriend can't go but I'll be seeing him soon hopefully. Once i've confirmed that my friends can go, I ask madison (in the car on friday afternoon with my mom driving the car) if she'd like to go see the movie, of course my little sister immediately says 'okay' and smiles happily for the rest of the car journey. Everything seems to be going weel right? Well...lets just see.

Saturday morning, I rose sluggishly at about 9 to have a slice of toast before watching cartoons with Madison for a little while, my dad asks what movie we're going to see after waking up on the couch, sadly, I rarely see my parents in the same bed anymore...either mom or dad sleeps on the couch with my little sister while the other goes to bed, sometimes both are lying on different couches in the morning, my mom's breath usually still containing a faint whiff of alochol. Anyway, back to this morning, it's about 11 o clock before my mom gets out of bed, I'm in my room, reading a book while the tv is turned on in the background, Madison runs into my room, I knew it was her before she came, I can always sense whose footsteps are approaching, madisons quick and heavy, maxine's (my older sister) smooth and barely noticeable, (unless when she's excited about something, then its thump. thump. thump.) My moms is smooth too, but slightly louder, while my dad's are heavy and at a normal speed with the sound of coins and keys kingling in his pocket as he walks. Madison stared at me from the doorway for a moment, catching her breath after running from one end of the house to the other before spluttering,
"sonj....Mom wants you." Setting my book down, I followed the six year old into the kitchen where everyone is either rummaging for food or just standing for no real purpose (maxine. -.-)
"yea?" I asked as I stepped into the kitchen, my mother whirls to face me, eyes blazing as she shouted,
"You never told me you were going to the f***ing cinema! How the F**k do you think you're going to get money?!" taken aback, I step away, my eyes widening in shock before my voice dropped to a mere wobble,
"I...I did tell you."
"No you F***ing didn't! Do you even have any money?!" She demanded furiously, tears tried to spring into my eyes but I forced them back,
"I have ten euro..." I manage to mumble before she mutters something under her breath, "Fine, we won't go then." I tried to shout in anger but instead it came out as a sad murmur before I headed back to my room, not too fast, not too slow, I didn't want to appear as though I would burst into tears with my sneering older sister standing there. Secretly proud with myself for not crying, I picked up my book, desperate to get the fight with my mother out of my mind before Madison comes running in again, watching her approach slowly, I let out a soft sigh. 'Poor girl...Sometimes I wish I was more like you, able to scream and shout and get what I want...' I thought miserably before taking her hand and speaking in a wobbly whisper,
"Madison, I don't think we'll be able to go today...Moms angry and she won't let us go." Madison seemed to take it well at first, nodding with a hint of sadness before running back out again. Less than aminute passed after I had begun to read again when my mother burst into the scene, seemingly angrier than before, her eyes still red from sleep,
"How dare you tell madison that you're not going! You have to take her! Wether you want to or not!" Before that I had texted my friends that I couldn't go, strangely enough, neither could either of them. I stared at my mother for a moment, this time I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, I hat how I cry so easily. It's not fair, tears shouldn't come so quickly.
"But you just said..."
"You're going alright?! Even if you didn't tell me, you're f***ing going!"
"I did tell you!" I managed to say back weakly but just about managing to pump at least a tiny bit of defiance in there, my mum was about to shout again before my dads familiar english accent sounded from the doorframe, I couldn't see him, but I could sense he was watching her in annoyance,
"Joan, I'm 99.99% sure you told me that they were going to the cinema wednesday night." Then I thought, she was drunk when I told her, I didn't even realise she was drunk. I just asked and smiled happily when she said yes, the other times she must have ignored me, which wasn't unfamiliar with me...Shooting a glare at my father, my mum shouted again,
"no I didn't!" Then she left, leaving me to cry to myself while madison screamed in the background after watching the fight. If there was one thing I loved about my little sister, it was that she always sided with me against mom. The tears were still flowing when I shouted for madison to shut up after she'd been screaming at the top of her lungs for five minutes, at least I wasn't sobbing, the tears were silent, which in my opinion are worse because you're lips shake and you can't speak above a low decibel when speaking. My eyes (which are usually blue/grey) had turned a greeny color with red surrounding them, once I had finally shaken the last of my tears, my father came to my door,
"Look, if you can get a lift into ballincollig, come to the shop and I'll give you some money for tickets and food, Maxine? Can you give them a lift?" Nodding while her toothbrush stuck out of her mouth, maxine managed to mumble,
"fine."
"I'm positive she told me on wednesday about today," he began before I protested,
"I told her!" he nodded quickly before saying goodbye and leaving. In the end, my mom seemed to calm down, perhaps she realized she was wrong, perhaps she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but she'd definitely settled from a raging hurricane to a breeze. She offered to give me a ride, which I refused feebly by saying that maxine was giving us a lift, informing us that she was taking maxine to work before asking about money. Ah...that. I knew she'd ask, I roughly told her that dad would give us some cash before demanding
"and where do you think your fathers going to get money?!" Shrugging, I tried to ignore her presence as I walked past her,
"I dont know..." I knew my dad didn't earn as much as my mom, in fact, he gets most of his money from her.
"Look I'll give you money when I get petrol." She said in annoyance while I continued to remain as detached as possible, if I grew interested in the conversation, I knew I'd cry again. When we got into the car, I couldn't help the occasional tear escaping for no real reason, I just couldn't stop them now. I try to remain happy all the time, to allow people to feed off my own optimism, but once the gate had opened I couldn't close it again, through the entire car journey, madison watched me carefully, as though she could sense my unstable presence. After receiving fifteen euro for tickets and food, I left the car quickly, murmuring a 'thanks' and 'bye' while madison kissed her goodbye, once we were both safely out of the car, I slammed the door shut and went to the cinema. I haven't seen my mom yet since 1:30pm. It's not 10:30pm and she's expected home any minute now. fan-freaking-tastic. Even thinking about my mom is causing tears right now. I intend to just ignore her, speak only when spoken to and even then only with one worded sentences. It sucks how bad I am at giving someone the silent treatment, usually I forget about about a minute...but this is different. this is indifference, something which a lot of people find unbareable to receive from me, but I'm good at it. So thats how I'm treating my dear ol' mother until she admits she's wrong and apologizes, even then I might not forgive her quickly.

Now, thats my longest post. xD

Thanks to whoever is reading this for putting up with me, hope you enjoyed the little scenario, I'm sure you would have preferred to have been there though. -.-


x

Oh dear god.

Alrighty, so I know it's been a little while since I've last posted something but my mind is spinning, I can't actually stop shaking at the moment and as I hear my parents chatting to my neighbours in the next room I can't help but wonder if it's all a massive lie.

I think my father is having an affair.

I know it's a powerful statement, but I really think something is up. I went on twitter less than a few minutes ago, and of course (¬_¬) we follow each other on it. I recently started noticing all these tweets he's been writing such as 'I thought I was lost but now I'm found and I'm so happy. :D' and 'Missing PH.' I immediately knew that PH had to stand for something, and as usual I stick my nose in where it's not wanted and looked through the people he's following.

I found a woman called Patricia Hyland. PH.

On her tweets she write 'missing JW'

let me point out here...my dads name is Jay Warner...

Am I going crazy? Maybe I am...My dad certainly doesn't seem like the guy to have an affair, I mean...My sister and I called him 'the fat man with an accent' which hardly seems like the sort of thing a woman would be interested in...

Anyway, for now thats all I can write because I'm both too upset and worried to talk about it anymore...

goodbye. x

Hell hath no fury...

Anger! That's the only word I can possibly think of that can describe how I'm feeling right now! Anger! Anger! Anger! I could scream right now I'm so angry! Life is so incredibly stupid! I know things are not supposed to be easy, but for god sakes why must everything go so wrong when it was originally perfect?! This can't be just teenage hormones, this is raw and furious. I hate everything right now! I could rip apart a barbie doll or slash a pillow right now I'm that frustrated! I suppose this all started on Wednesday. I hate Wednesdays now. They'll forever remind me of the worst day of my life so far. It started out alright, woke up, stayed off school to go to the dentist, went through excruciating pain as she drilled a few holes into my tooth and hit a nerve, I swear, I almost passed out it was so sore. My entire body was rigid as I lay on that horribly slippery chair with my head down lower than the rest of my body as she shoved two cotton buds between my teeth and cheek so she could attack the little black cavity in my molar. I honestly have no idea why so much pain should be created just to cover some tiny little hole, it makes no sense! I bet there's just a league of dentists who set out the ten commandments for the dentists, if there was it might go something like this...

League of Extraordinary Torturers.

• Thou shall always make a childs visit to the dentist an unhappy and uncomfortable one.
• Thou shall always be rude to the older children
• Thou shall drop bits of the filling down a patients throat to make their appointment as unpleasant as possible.
• Thou shall force the patient to wait in agonizing silence in a waiting room with magazines from three years ago for a minimum of thirty minutes before they shall be seen.
• Thou shall worship no false god, only Colgate.
• Thou shall give the teenage patients stupid pink barbie sunglasses to wear instead of the adult pair.
• Thou shall never refer to a patient by their name but use pedophile-ish nicknames such as sweety pie, hon, pet, lovey and various other creepy names.
• Thou shall always ask the patient to open their mouth more even when they are close to breaking their jaws apart.
• Thou shall always state that the patient needs braces.
• Thou shall always give the patient a large glass of water to rinse their mouth with then give a tiny basin for the patient to spit into, along with a minuscule tissue to wipe their mouth.

The end.
I'm quite proud of that actually, just thought up of it on the spot, I can honestly tell you that all of these things happened to me at least once. Especially the stupid pink barbie glasses one! I bet kids are not even given that. Just me. Dentists have something against me, maybe in the past life i was some tooth fairy! Now that would be interesting wouldn't it? It would certainly give the dentist a reason to dislike me so much, maybe I rejected their tooth for my castle! Wow. I was one mean fairy...


Anyway back to my original point...what was it again?...oh yea! ANGER! After I'd come back from the dentist, this guy that I was sorta dating (well it had been about half a week and my friends called him a stalker, the guy wanted me to meet his mom for christ sake!) was getting on my nerves, I'm not the sort of girl interested in the whole...lovey dovey crap. I'm more of a friendship type. I dunno...maybe i'm just not ready for any relationships right now, but honestly, what sort of girl wouldn't be annoyed by three texts a day saying how much he wanted her to be in his arms and to be with her? we weren't even technically dating! You have to kiss someone to be their boy/girlfriend! We didn't, so it wasn't even a relationship. More of a joke. He was clingy and behaved as though we were Romeo and Juliet when all it really was was a disfuntional long-distance relationship. Maybe I haven't said this before, but I life in the middle of nowhere in the countryside, hence the reason I'm here on my computer at 10 o'clock on a friday night instead of enjoying a social life. Well to cut a long story short...I broke up with him over the internet. Yes, some will say that was incredibly heartless of me and maybe you'll find some consolation that I felt terrible doing it, but I just didn't like being in the relationship and I thought if I broke it off before anything could happen then we'd both be a lot better off. Well after a mini-depression he seems to have landed on his feet yet again, (no suprise there then.) That same night I apparently had a 'freak-attack' at one of my friends because she didn't like the new girl in our class. In reality all I asked was "Why don't you like ____?" then my friend replied, "oh well she's always pushing into our group and clinging onto us," err....hello? isn't that the point of a group of friends? they cling onto each other lest they be trampled by the school? Besides she was new, and my so called friend was obviously a jealous drama-queen desperate for some attention which she wasn't going to receive, so after asking my friend to give the new girl a chance I went offline. Only to face more problems...So it was a normal thursday morning, i was chatting to friends who came in as early as I did about pretty much boring things when the drama queen enters. (Now let me point out that she usually sits next to me before I go any further.) Slamming her bag down onto a table two seats away from me she gave me a pure look of disgust as I smiled at her before shoving her ear phones into her ears and stalking off, raising an eyebrow I couldn't help but worry? What could I possibly have done now? It just so happened that the first class was a double PE. Great, I could pounce and demand a reason for the cold shoulder I had been given. You'll laugh when I say this, I know I did, this girl, this apparently 'clever' girl replied (through a messenger may I add, how fourth class school yard fight is that?) "I thought you were odd with my so I decided to be odd with you first and now I'm really angry at you!" My first response, (as yours may be) was....Whaaaat? Halfway through PE (the D.Q was apparently feeling sick so didn't participate, I was watching just after finishing my basketball match) I began to walk over to her when she stormed off to lock herself in the bathroom, following her I stood outside the door, annoyance rippling through me. What the hell was this girl's problem?! In as a controlled voice I could muster I spoke,
"____, I don't know what I did to you to make you so angry at me but for god sakes will you at least have the decency to face me? I never told _____(new girl) that you smoke and drink. (apparantly I said this right in front of her which of course was a lie.) If you're gonna behave like a child then thats fine by me. When you're ready to grow up I'll be there." With that I stormed from the bathroom, happy with my little speech as another of my friends came forward to offer me some support. None of my friends believed the DG was in the right, each backed me on hundred percent in my apparent 'war'. Well it's been two days now and I must say, this is becoming unbareable, as much as I remain civil she seems to feel the need to call me all sorts of swear words which honestly aren't needed. So this is mainly why I'm angry. Because I allowed myself to become friends with an ignoramus who has more eyes than IQ points. ooh buuurn.

Sonja x

Don't ask.

We all have issues right? (I'm expecting whoever is sitting behind that screen to nod their head and say 'hell yeah we do!') I'm fourteen years old and i already know that, the world isn't perfect and it's so pathetic when people believe they deserve better than what they get! People in general tend to bug me...

I heard in a movie once (don't ask which one because I honestly don't remember) "a person is smart...people are dumb." it's true isn't it? I'll take my class as an an example, you talk to one girl on her own (bar a few, there really are some stupid girls in my class -_-) she'll seem incredibly smart, ask her views on something that's happening in the world right now. (lets give the recession as an example,) her thoughts could be extremely interesting. You know, a lot of people my age didn't even know what the recession really was.

Amazing huh? It's happening all around us. You see a store close down, people on the streets, hell, you'd think they'd at least notice that there's hardly any more '09 cars anymore...but back to my original point, this girl could say things you'd hear in a political debate (because we can be quite smart you know.) or...she could say something like "uhhh....I like how there's, like, loads of sales like!"

That's a real cork thing isn't it? 'like' it's hard to find a corkonian (an amazing word that I thought up of may i add.) that doesn't add the word 'like' at least twice into every sentence they speak, it's annoying, but even I've slipped into the terrible habit, I used to do eloqution classes in my primary school as our teacher was obsessed with pronounced TH...

I have to admit, it really stuck with me and that teacher is a great influence. A completely nerdy thing to say on a blog but it's true. He taught me to write the way I do today, he really pushed us to describe our surroundings and built his life on the phrase "yes I can do." which is probably still stuck up on the wall above the door in our old classroom...

He's retiring this year, which is a tradgedy really...he's been working there as a teaching principal for fifty-something years I think and I can't possibly think of anyone in the world who could fill such big shoes. he was a really old-fashioned teacher who liked to teach in a way he thought would be interesting for us...

I'm almost glad he's leaving after I did. I couldn't imagine going to that school without him. A true rolemodel. Sayonara Mr. Lynch. AKA The master! (yep...he was called the master or 'sir')

In the beginning...

Okay, so here it is...my first official blog. Unlike my last failures which are shamed to be called blogs, this shall be successful. Failure isn't acceptable in an unforgiving world seems appropriate right now...You see, the problem with everything I used to right, its all so...peppy...and over-excited. Now after almost a whole year role-playing I've learned my lesson and have begun to speak like a proper human being. Now I shall cast aside the shackles of my youth and step into adulthood, no longer will I be associated with the illiterate fools i call my classmates but will be acknowledged as truly awesome. My class truly are a stupid bunch...I mean, of course there are a few of the smart kids, although we're outnumbered by the stupid ones...the ones that think that the reason for population decrease is the 'recession' (yea they know who they are.) I like to be openly sarcastic to stupid people, there's no point in mumbling it under your breath, chances are they have no idea what the hell your saying anyway, and that is one million times more entertaining that the thought of them falling down a well placed well. Oh, and here's another thing that bugs me. The recession. Yup, I know about every single person in the world is saying that right now, but you have no idea what it's like for us teenagers. Especially the ones that have to sit in Home EC class listening to the endless torrent of shouts being thrown at the teacher such as; "we can't pay for that miss! there's a recession!" or "why don't you pay for it miss? The recession is bleeding us dry!" of course it is girls, funny how you all seem to be buying new phones and clothes for discos not a day after, isn't it? These are the sort of girls who drive be crazy, girls who are quite happy to stroll around in pajama pants, a neon string top and ugg boots with their faces caked in orange foundation, where do girls even find that colour foundation? Maybe they go to the zoo and nick it from some orangutans...or just get some orange paint at Art and Hobby and slather it on until they look like a traffic cone? Well...I would continue on with this some more...but its One thirty four am and to be honest, i'm exhausted. Especially since i've been entertaining kids for the day for my little sisters sixth birthday party...okay...I lie. It was two little girls who were absolutely adorable and hardly made a sound...well...until the next time i'm angry or bored out of my mind i suppose.... x