Right, so I thought's I'd write up again because I have some frustrating subjects to get off my chest.

Mothers. Why the hell do they feel the need to choose a week to constantly pick fights with you and mess with your head? I mean, it's fricking unbelievable the crap my own moms put me through this week.

Let me take whoever's reading this back to Wednesday, where it all began...

Mum and I are sitting in the car, just as I take my earphones from my school bag and am about to plug them into my ears to drown out my little sisters complaints in the backseat, suddenly I remember the surprise Geography exam I had today and decided to tell my mom. Once I had finished giving out about my pocket sized Geography teacher, I decided to plug my earphones into my ears to stew in my own anger, suddenly my mom spoke up, a split second before the music began to blast through my mind,
"You know, I was talking to Norma (my aunt) this morning and she was saying how crazy you are for not going to Coachford (a school that is about....half an hour closer to where I live) Apparently the leaving and Junior Cert exam results from there are absolutely fantastic! When Eolan (my extremely clever cousin) received an award for one of the highest Leaving Cert results, she said she'd seen a lot of people from Coachford winning them too. In fact, Coachford had the highest number of A students." Raising a brow, I attempted to see what my mother was getting at, surely she wouldn't ask for me to move again? Not after the last fiasco? (Another day, another blog.) Giving a small, supposedly sweet shrugs, she spoke in a higher pitch,
"Just think about it, it would be so much easier for you and healthier to have friends that live closer..." Now it was my turn to talk, pushing my zune back into my bag I frowned, staring out the window as I spoke,
"I thought about that during the summer, I even asked dad about it but he said I'm not allowed go..."
"Why not?"
"He said that I won't know any of the teachers, I don't like the people there, and if I don't like it I won't be allowed to go back to back to my old school. Just like in Primary School."
"Thats ridiculous!" My mom exclaimed while heading onto the Ballincollig bypass, "why would knowing your teachers matter? You've always been good with making friends! You'll fit right in. Like I said, just think about it. I won't force you into it...but remember, it would be easier and cheaper for all of us. (In our school you have to pay a bomb just to get into the freakin' thing, then they ask for more almost every second week -.-) So my mother left me in silence, allowing me to stress over more things than just my homewwork.

Right, so that was number one.

Now, for the ringer.

It's seven o clock that same night, my mother comes in to ask me what plans I have for my birthday the following weekend (6th of december, remember the date,) After a big long discussion, she informs me that everyone in te house will be working from 1pm- 9/10pm and that myself and my little sister will be spending the day alone at home. The thought of going nowhere and doing basically nothing stirs me to ask if I could take my little sister to the cinema to see 'Fantastic Mr Fox', nodding, she allows me to bring some friends and my boyfriend. She then disappeared for a few seconds to inform my dad that we'd be spending from 6-9 at the back of his shop on saturday, luckily, my dad agreed to let us stay for a little while and it seemed like we were definitely going.
The next day I invited some of my friends from my class to go, only two can make it but I'm content, at least they're people I like. sadly my boyfriend can't go but I'll be seeing him soon hopefully. Once i've confirmed that my friends can go, I ask madison (in the car on friday afternoon with my mom driving the car) if she'd like to go see the movie, of course my little sister immediately says 'okay' and smiles happily for the rest of the car journey. Everything seems to be going weel right? Well...lets just see.

Saturday morning, I rose sluggishly at about 9 to have a slice of toast before watching cartoons with Madison for a little while, my dad asks what movie we're going to see after waking up on the couch, sadly, I rarely see my parents in the same bed anymore...either mom or dad sleeps on the couch with my little sister while the other goes to bed, sometimes both are lying on different couches in the morning, my mom's breath usually still containing a faint whiff of alochol. Anyway, back to this morning, it's about 11 o clock before my mom gets out of bed, I'm in my room, reading a book while the tv is turned on in the background, Madison runs into my room, I knew it was her before she came, I can always sense whose footsteps are approaching, madisons quick and heavy, maxine's (my older sister) smooth and barely noticeable, (unless when she's excited about something, then its thump. thump. thump.) My moms is smooth too, but slightly louder, while my dad's are heavy and at a normal speed with the sound of coins and keys kingling in his pocket as he walks. Madison stared at me from the doorway for a moment, catching her breath after running from one end of the house to the other before spluttering,
"sonj....Mom wants you." Setting my book down, I followed the six year old into the kitchen where everyone is either rummaging for food or just standing for no real purpose (maxine. -.-)
"yea?" I asked as I stepped into the kitchen, my mother whirls to face me, eyes blazing as she shouted,
"You never told me you were going to the f***ing cinema! How the F**k do you think you're going to get money?!" taken aback, I step away, my eyes widening in shock before my voice dropped to a mere wobble,
"I...I did tell you."
"No you F***ing didn't! Do you even have any money?!" She demanded furiously, tears tried to spring into my eyes but I forced them back,
"I have ten euro..." I manage to mumble before she mutters something under her breath, "Fine, we won't go then." I tried to shout in anger but instead it came out as a sad murmur before I headed back to my room, not too fast, not too slow, I didn't want to appear as though I would burst into tears with my sneering older sister standing there. Secretly proud with myself for not crying, I picked up my book, desperate to get the fight with my mother out of my mind before Madison comes running in again, watching her approach slowly, I let out a soft sigh. 'Poor girl...Sometimes I wish I was more like you, able to scream and shout and get what I want...' I thought miserably before taking her hand and speaking in a wobbly whisper,
"Madison, I don't think we'll be able to go today...Moms angry and she won't let us go." Madison seemed to take it well at first, nodding with a hint of sadness before running back out again. Less than aminute passed after I had begun to read again when my mother burst into the scene, seemingly angrier than before, her eyes still red from sleep,
"How dare you tell madison that you're not going! You have to take her! Wether you want to or not!" Before that I had texted my friends that I couldn't go, strangely enough, neither could either of them. I stared at my mother for a moment, this time I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, I hat how I cry so easily. It's not fair, tears shouldn't come so quickly.
"But you just said..."
"You're going alright?! Even if you didn't tell me, you're f***ing going!"
"I did tell you!" I managed to say back weakly but just about managing to pump at least a tiny bit of defiance in there, my mum was about to shout again before my dads familiar english accent sounded from the doorframe, I couldn't see him, but I could sense he was watching her in annoyance,
"Joan, I'm 99.99% sure you told me that they were going to the cinema wednesday night." Then I thought, she was drunk when I told her, I didn't even realise she was drunk. I just asked and smiled happily when she said yes, the other times she must have ignored me, which wasn't unfamiliar with me...Shooting a glare at my father, my mum shouted again,
"no I didn't!" Then she left, leaving me to cry to myself while madison screamed in the background after watching the fight. If there was one thing I loved about my little sister, it was that she always sided with me against mom. The tears were still flowing when I shouted for madison to shut up after she'd been screaming at the top of her lungs for five minutes, at least I wasn't sobbing, the tears were silent, which in my opinion are worse because you're lips shake and you can't speak above a low decibel when speaking. My eyes (which are usually blue/grey) had turned a greeny color with red surrounding them, once I had finally shaken the last of my tears, my father came to my door,
"Look, if you can get a lift into ballincollig, come to the shop and I'll give you some money for tickets and food, Maxine? Can you give them a lift?" Nodding while her toothbrush stuck out of her mouth, maxine managed to mumble,
"fine."
"I'm positive she told me on wednesday about today," he began before I protested,
"I told her!" he nodded quickly before saying goodbye and leaving. In the end, my mom seemed to calm down, perhaps she realized she was wrong, perhaps she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but she'd definitely settled from a raging hurricane to a breeze. She offered to give me a ride, which I refused feebly by saying that maxine was giving us a lift, informing us that she was taking maxine to work before asking about money. Ah...that. I knew she'd ask, I roughly told her that dad would give us some cash before demanding
"and where do you think your fathers going to get money?!" Shrugging, I tried to ignore her presence as I walked past her,
"I dont know..." I knew my dad didn't earn as much as my mom, in fact, he gets most of his money from her.
"Look I'll give you money when I get petrol." She said in annoyance while I continued to remain as detached as possible, if I grew interested in the conversation, I knew I'd cry again. When we got into the car, I couldn't help the occasional tear escaping for no real reason, I just couldn't stop them now. I try to remain happy all the time, to allow people to feed off my own optimism, but once the gate had opened I couldn't close it again, through the entire car journey, madison watched me carefully, as though she could sense my unstable presence. After receiving fifteen euro for tickets and food, I left the car quickly, murmuring a 'thanks' and 'bye' while madison kissed her goodbye, once we were both safely out of the car, I slammed the door shut and went to the cinema. I haven't seen my mom yet since 1:30pm. It's not 10:30pm and she's expected home any minute now. fan-freaking-tastic. Even thinking about my mom is causing tears right now. I intend to just ignore her, speak only when spoken to and even then only with one worded sentences. It sucks how bad I am at giving someone the silent treatment, usually I forget about about a minute...but this is different. this is indifference, something which a lot of people find unbareable to receive from me, but I'm good at it. So thats how I'm treating my dear ol' mother until she admits she's wrong and apologizes, even then I might not forgive her quickly.

Now, thats my longest post. xD

Thanks to whoever is reading this for putting up with me, hope you enjoyed the little scenario, I'm sure you would have preferred to have been there though. -.-


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