~

Update.

Bleh. :D

The End of the Shifters?

I finally finished it....finally!

I still can't believe it, I'm pretty sure I'm still in shock but on the 5th January at 1:30AM I finished writing the book that I had spent two and a half years working on.

My life has revolved around Kumiko and the Shifters and now that I'm done I'm almost terrified to hand it over to a publisher to be analysed, edited and printed. It'll almost be like a piece of my own heart is being read by whoever picks it up, my life story.

Of course i'm still very much in the process of editing myself, now I know, I know editors are there to do that for me, but i want it to be perfect. I want to keep it as true to Kumiko and the rest of my extended family as possible, because though they may only live in my imagination, they are my family. From Silver with her optimism (we all know somebody like this), Keiran with his mysterious past and adoration for Silver, Justice with his cockiness and being the guy you hate to love and love to hate, Griffin, the genuine good guy, Jordan, the father figure and even Regal, the sophisticated psychopath! :D

well right now theres not much else to say, i'll have to contact publishers to submit the book and if they accept i'll be seeing copies of my own work on a shelf!

Life is good. :)

~ Sonja. x

Guys?

Girls are fragile beings.
They may say they're tough,
but their lying.

I'm not talking about strength or intellect, but any girl can lose her mind to that one guy. That one human being who causes her heart to skip a beat, the guy who makes her smile when she sees him.

You know a girl cares about you, if she restrains a giant goofy grin every time she see you. Fact.

I don't know how many guys will read this, I don't know if anyone will actually read this at all... But the truth is, once a girl's feelings have been spread out for the world to see, she'll never forget what its like to be hurt.

She may forgive you, she may smile at you in the same way and joke, but she'll never forget when you fucked up.

forgive and forget is only for guys.

A girl never forgets.

The smallest thing can turn us into nervous wrecks, we think you'll suddenly stop caring about us for no reason.

We think too much. please, please keep reassuring us why you're here.

These are just a few things...but for me they're important, perhaps guys think that these lists are pointless, maybe some of them are, maybe you'll never have to think of what you've read here again, but when the time comes where a girl is smiling around you for no reason, or 'forgives you' when you stuffed up, think of what you read here. It will help you. :)

That's all I'm writing right now, sorry !

- Sonja. x

Study time.

Right, okay I know it always takes me forever to write a new post, but seriously, is anyone even reading this?

Doesn't matter much anyway, I've always been the sort to have a rather interesting conversation with myself.

I bet you think I'm joking....

Right so the pres/mocks whatever you call them are FINALLY over!

Three words.

Thank. Fricking. God.


No longer must I sit for two and a half hours behind a ten-twenty page booklet filling out answers which I've guessed...! No longer shall I endure the torture of listening to the annoyingly smart people complain that they 'did so badly'.

That's always something that bugs me, I don't actually know if its the same for my non-existent readers out there, but I get annoyed very easily with people who continuously say; "oh I didn't study, ha ha, I'm going to fail."

No. That is not at all funny. Stop laughing you turd.

Perhaps if the person really didn't study and is freaking out (not too much of course) then I wouldn't mind so much, but its the idiots who can't understand where they went wrong and constantly call themselves 'stupid' when all they need to do is crack open a frigging book and perhaps, oh I don't know, read a line or two?

Okay, so I've gone through the nonchalant failure.

Now for the real torture.

The person who kills themselves studying, then claims they didn't touch a book.

Does this annoy you? I don't know if it's just me, but it absolutely drives me crazy.

You see, dear readers, there is a certain amount of work each student should put into their education. The main part would to be to do the homework they have been given, this is about...60% of the effort completed.

This is going to sound extremely hypocritical of me, but even I don't put in this much work, I do most of my homework, but I haven't done my math homework in about...three years, mainly due to the fact that even if I do it, the teacher doesn't care, so what is the point...? But I do regularly do all of my homework, and if I don't get something done, I'll do it the next morning at school, or stare innocently up at the teacher after spending ten minutes 'searching' my bag to murmur, "Miss, I think I left it at home."

Anyways, so once 60% of your required effort has been put into the physical work for school, the next 40% is conserved, only for exams, where the student will study (for the minor tests) the day before, and if given the chance, a small bit over the weekend. For the bigger exams, such as summer tests and all that shizzola, most students will, of course, start studying earlier than just the night before.

But I'm talking about the people who start studying in September, then claim that they 'haven't touched a book'. It's these people that bug me, the kind that feel that to be socially accepted, they have to lie. In fact, I'd prefer someone who admitted they worked hard to achieve their goals, rather than someone who gets good grades for no reason.

I know I'm cutting this short, but I've just started watching 'Percy Jackson - The Lightening Thief' and I can't be bother to write any more...

-Sonja. x

Read...? >:3

Right...so I thought I'd write a new blog. Just to let off a little steam again.

Okay, so I may have mentioned this before, but the mocks are looming.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not usually the sort to freak out before a test before breaking down in uncontrollable sobs claiming 'I can't do this!'

A test is called a test for a reason. It tells you if you dont understand something. Simple as.

Maybe I should do some more studying...?

Today was my first day really sticking to the books, to actually read it and consider how I would answer a question based on what I was reading.

So, What's prehistory you say...?
Prehistory is considered the time before writing was invented.

Well...thats how my Less Stress More success explains it..!

Right...

Well, Life is going extraordinary well at the moment! I'm delighted with pretty much every aspect of it. I came into a bit of cash which allows me to go out, my social life is expanding to no ends, I'm doing well (enough) in school and aha, the other things should not be mentioned. :D

Hmm...

I really think thats all I've got to say right now. I only really came on here to check if I have any new followers (which I don't) I lied about the letting off steam. maybe next time eh?

-Sonja. x

Alriiiiighty then.

Life is pissing me off at the moment.

What a simple statement with a huuuuge explanation behind it.

I won't even bother going into relationships and all that shizz because I honestly have no idea whats going on xDD

One thing I can be certain of though is that my mocks are in three weeks and I haven't even begun studying.

Now you may be wondering...if you have exams coming up, then why the hell are you on this and not studying?! .... I can't really answer that...

I'm just stupid that way.

I know I haven't written a lot lately, which sucks eggs.

But like I said life is pissing me off. Especially the school side of it. Which seems to have leaked over all aspects of my life. >>

I seriously believe that teachers have come from some distant planet with little no concept of 'too much'.

First, they pile the homework on you, three page essay to be due for tomorrow, six long questions in exam papers, twenty maths problems, (each taking about twenty minutes I might add.) But thats just the tip of the ice berg because its not like they just want you to do the work then spend whatever few seconds you have left before collapsing in exhaustion to entertain yourself, no! There's also the five chapters of science to be learned each night, the twenty pages of the history book, the six chapters of geography and plenty more...!

Believe me, if I had some sort of device which could stop time and allow me to do all these things, then I'd do them! But its impossible and completely unfair to ask a group of 15 year olds to handle so much pressure over a few simple exams.

If thats not enough, Teachers quite literally, freak out at you if you mention that you've been studying right up to your bedtime (whatever that may be) because if they so much as hear something remotely along those lines, they pull you aside and speak in a calm and sickly sweet voice as they say : "You're putting yourself under too much pressure, why don't you do an after school activity? You just need some time to relax... It's only the Junior Cert."

Right. Didn't you JUST say we had to revise five chapters just there? Stupid hoebag. >>

And SCHOOL ACTIVITIES?! I don't know what rock you've been living under but I wouldn't exactly call them stress repellents. If its sports you take part in, theres the gear you have to beg your mom to buy, the money you have to give (which is hardly growing from trees at the moment) just to join the stupid thing and then theres the matches you have to do! I don't see how any of that could help me....'relax'.

Then theres the less sporty activities; Drama, Debating etc. The ones where you're 'expressing yourself'. The ones where you have to stand in front of loads of people and either read a speech or act out something stupid. Where competitions are always popping up out of nowhere with absolutely no warning. Yet again...I don't see how this could help me.

So I suppose the point of this blog was to simply point out how stupid teachers are being. And that life sucks for a JC student...

But hey! There's always the weekend...! :D

-Sonja. x

Right, so I thought's I'd write up again because I have some frustrating subjects to get off my chest.

Mothers. Why the hell do they feel the need to choose a week to constantly pick fights with you and mess with your head? I mean, it's fricking unbelievable the crap my own moms put me through this week.

Let me take whoever's reading this back to Wednesday, where it all began...

Mum and I are sitting in the car, just as I take my earphones from my school bag and am about to plug them into my ears to drown out my little sisters complaints in the backseat, suddenly I remember the surprise Geography exam I had today and decided to tell my mom. Once I had finished giving out about my pocket sized Geography teacher, I decided to plug my earphones into my ears to stew in my own anger, suddenly my mom spoke up, a split second before the music began to blast through my mind,
"You know, I was talking to Norma (my aunt) this morning and she was saying how crazy you are for not going to Coachford (a school that is about....half an hour closer to where I live) Apparently the leaving and Junior Cert exam results from there are absolutely fantastic! When Eolan (my extremely clever cousin) received an award for one of the highest Leaving Cert results, she said she'd seen a lot of people from Coachford winning them too. In fact, Coachford had the highest number of A students." Raising a brow, I attempted to see what my mother was getting at, surely she wouldn't ask for me to move again? Not after the last fiasco? (Another day, another blog.) Giving a small, supposedly sweet shrugs, she spoke in a higher pitch,
"Just think about it, it would be so much easier for you and healthier to have friends that live closer..." Now it was my turn to talk, pushing my zune back into my bag I frowned, staring out the window as I spoke,
"I thought about that during the summer, I even asked dad about it but he said I'm not allowed go..."
"Why not?"
"He said that I won't know any of the teachers, I don't like the people there, and if I don't like it I won't be allowed to go back to back to my old school. Just like in Primary School."
"Thats ridiculous!" My mom exclaimed while heading onto the Ballincollig bypass, "why would knowing your teachers matter? You've always been good with making friends! You'll fit right in. Like I said, just think about it. I won't force you into it...but remember, it would be easier and cheaper for all of us. (In our school you have to pay a bomb just to get into the freakin' thing, then they ask for more almost every second week -.-) So my mother left me in silence, allowing me to stress over more things than just my homewwork.

Right, so that was number one.

Now, for the ringer.

It's seven o clock that same night, my mother comes in to ask me what plans I have for my birthday the following weekend (6th of december, remember the date,) After a big long discussion, she informs me that everyone in te house will be working from 1pm- 9/10pm and that myself and my little sister will be spending the day alone at home. The thought of going nowhere and doing basically nothing stirs me to ask if I could take my little sister to the cinema to see 'Fantastic Mr Fox', nodding, she allows me to bring some friends and my boyfriend. She then disappeared for a few seconds to inform my dad that we'd be spending from 6-9 at the back of his shop on saturday, luckily, my dad agreed to let us stay for a little while and it seemed like we were definitely going.
The next day I invited some of my friends from my class to go, only two can make it but I'm content, at least they're people I like. sadly my boyfriend can't go but I'll be seeing him soon hopefully. Once i've confirmed that my friends can go, I ask madison (in the car on friday afternoon with my mom driving the car) if she'd like to go see the movie, of course my little sister immediately says 'okay' and smiles happily for the rest of the car journey. Everything seems to be going weel right? Well...lets just see.

Saturday morning, I rose sluggishly at about 9 to have a slice of toast before watching cartoons with Madison for a little while, my dad asks what movie we're going to see after waking up on the couch, sadly, I rarely see my parents in the same bed anymore...either mom or dad sleeps on the couch with my little sister while the other goes to bed, sometimes both are lying on different couches in the morning, my mom's breath usually still containing a faint whiff of alochol. Anyway, back to this morning, it's about 11 o clock before my mom gets out of bed, I'm in my room, reading a book while the tv is turned on in the background, Madison runs into my room, I knew it was her before she came, I can always sense whose footsteps are approaching, madisons quick and heavy, maxine's (my older sister) smooth and barely noticeable, (unless when she's excited about something, then its thump. thump. thump.) My moms is smooth too, but slightly louder, while my dad's are heavy and at a normal speed with the sound of coins and keys kingling in his pocket as he walks. Madison stared at me from the doorway for a moment, catching her breath after running from one end of the house to the other before spluttering,
"sonj....Mom wants you." Setting my book down, I followed the six year old into the kitchen where everyone is either rummaging for food or just standing for no real purpose (maxine. -.-)
"yea?" I asked as I stepped into the kitchen, my mother whirls to face me, eyes blazing as she shouted,
"You never told me you were going to the f***ing cinema! How the F**k do you think you're going to get money?!" taken aback, I step away, my eyes widening in shock before my voice dropped to a mere wobble,
"I...I did tell you."
"No you F***ing didn't! Do you even have any money?!" She demanded furiously, tears tried to spring into my eyes but I forced them back,
"I have ten euro..." I manage to mumble before she mutters something under her breath, "Fine, we won't go then." I tried to shout in anger but instead it came out as a sad murmur before I headed back to my room, not too fast, not too slow, I didn't want to appear as though I would burst into tears with my sneering older sister standing there. Secretly proud with myself for not crying, I picked up my book, desperate to get the fight with my mother out of my mind before Madison comes running in again, watching her approach slowly, I let out a soft sigh. 'Poor girl...Sometimes I wish I was more like you, able to scream and shout and get what I want...' I thought miserably before taking her hand and speaking in a wobbly whisper,
"Madison, I don't think we'll be able to go today...Moms angry and she won't let us go." Madison seemed to take it well at first, nodding with a hint of sadness before running back out again. Less than aminute passed after I had begun to read again when my mother burst into the scene, seemingly angrier than before, her eyes still red from sleep,
"How dare you tell madison that you're not going! You have to take her! Wether you want to or not!" Before that I had texted my friends that I couldn't go, strangely enough, neither could either of them. I stared at my mother for a moment, this time I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, I hat how I cry so easily. It's not fair, tears shouldn't come so quickly.
"But you just said..."
"You're going alright?! Even if you didn't tell me, you're f***ing going!"
"I did tell you!" I managed to say back weakly but just about managing to pump at least a tiny bit of defiance in there, my mum was about to shout again before my dads familiar english accent sounded from the doorframe, I couldn't see him, but I could sense he was watching her in annoyance,
"Joan, I'm 99.99% sure you told me that they were going to the cinema wednesday night." Then I thought, she was drunk when I told her, I didn't even realise she was drunk. I just asked and smiled happily when she said yes, the other times she must have ignored me, which wasn't unfamiliar with me...Shooting a glare at my father, my mum shouted again,
"no I didn't!" Then she left, leaving me to cry to myself while madison screamed in the background after watching the fight. If there was one thing I loved about my little sister, it was that she always sided with me against mom. The tears were still flowing when I shouted for madison to shut up after she'd been screaming at the top of her lungs for five minutes, at least I wasn't sobbing, the tears were silent, which in my opinion are worse because you're lips shake and you can't speak above a low decibel when speaking. My eyes (which are usually blue/grey) had turned a greeny color with red surrounding them, once I had finally shaken the last of my tears, my father came to my door,
"Look, if you can get a lift into ballincollig, come to the shop and I'll give you some money for tickets and food, Maxine? Can you give them a lift?" Nodding while her toothbrush stuck out of her mouth, maxine managed to mumble,
"fine."
"I'm positive she told me on wednesday about today," he began before I protested,
"I told her!" he nodded quickly before saying goodbye and leaving. In the end, my mom seemed to calm down, perhaps she realized she was wrong, perhaps she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but she'd definitely settled from a raging hurricane to a breeze. She offered to give me a ride, which I refused feebly by saying that maxine was giving us a lift, informing us that she was taking maxine to work before asking about money. Ah...that. I knew she'd ask, I roughly told her that dad would give us some cash before demanding
"and where do you think your fathers going to get money?!" Shrugging, I tried to ignore her presence as I walked past her,
"I dont know..." I knew my dad didn't earn as much as my mom, in fact, he gets most of his money from her.
"Look I'll give you money when I get petrol." She said in annoyance while I continued to remain as detached as possible, if I grew interested in the conversation, I knew I'd cry again. When we got into the car, I couldn't help the occasional tear escaping for no real reason, I just couldn't stop them now. I try to remain happy all the time, to allow people to feed off my own optimism, but once the gate had opened I couldn't close it again, through the entire car journey, madison watched me carefully, as though she could sense my unstable presence. After receiving fifteen euro for tickets and food, I left the car quickly, murmuring a 'thanks' and 'bye' while madison kissed her goodbye, once we were both safely out of the car, I slammed the door shut and went to the cinema. I haven't seen my mom yet since 1:30pm. It's not 10:30pm and she's expected home any minute now. fan-freaking-tastic. Even thinking about my mom is causing tears right now. I intend to just ignore her, speak only when spoken to and even then only with one worded sentences. It sucks how bad I am at giving someone the silent treatment, usually I forget about about a minute...but this is different. this is indifference, something which a lot of people find unbareable to receive from me, but I'm good at it. So thats how I'm treating my dear ol' mother until she admits she's wrong and apologizes, even then I might not forgive her quickly.

Now, thats my longest post. xD

Thanks to whoever is reading this for putting up with me, hope you enjoyed the little scenario, I'm sure you would have preferred to have been there though. -.-


x